Imprints of Life

I’ve always thought of myself as having reasonably good health, but like most people, during our lives (some people are less fortunate and have the worst of childhood), I’ve been fortunate to have some form of trauma, but it has not tied me down as much as it could have. There’s a saying in Cantonese which roughly translates to “every family has a scripture/book that is difficult to recite” (家家有本難念的經). Contextually, it is used to convey that every household, no matter how outwardly perfect it seems, has its own unique hidden problems, burdens, or struggles. We forget how some of our grandparents have been through wars and other conflicts, whether it’s from society or generational traumas. In most cases, people do not want to feel ashamed of or speak of the moments that have shocked, stressed, distressed or embarrassed them.

With these different things that happen in our lives, each person finds different means to help themselves to continue to live; whether or not we know our goals in life, it may not matter at the time. Through my own solace and curiosity, I found myself at 15-16 years of age within the esoteric and self-help book sections. I have always been the type who would be guided more by feeling and intuition. Through those books, I found meditation and energy healing to help myself. Through time, I’ve realised that I’m probably one who would be labelled as AuADHD, although I refuse to be officially labelled, just awareness has helped me understand why I am the way I am. As a functioning human, yes, I’m sure I can get help externally, but external help is never something I find easy to seek or ask for.

Treatment Overload

Over the last few weeks, from 25th January to 6th January, I was on 3 Barral Institute modules/courses, because over the years of osteopathic studies, the knowledge and hands-on practice have made me feel like I am gaining knowledge and levelling up every time I complete one. With how close each of these courses were (Manual Articulation of the Spine and Pelvis – MASP, Strategic Crossroads of the Body – SCB1, and Synoviolymphatic System of the Extremities – SSE), it means I was treated head to toe across 2 weeks, in treatment terms can be a system overload where the body wouldn’t know what to work on first. It was a good learning curve, whilst eye-opening, because I also try not to take my body into certain states if I can to maintain good health.

After MASP, I had the interesting experience of feeling what brachial plexus irritation feels like, where I ended up with pain down one hand, then down the hand and up into my head the next day, whilst trying to work through a full day’s worth of patients. It was definitely not an easy task, and I won’t be surprised if patients noticed how much slower my words were coming out. Eventually, it got so bad that I took some time to do some self-treatment as well as eat foods to help with my nerves to calm down and repair. Everything was a lot better just before I started SCB1 course, but my two colleagues with more experience were able to take some time to help check me over and worked on releasing some of the chronic emotional tensions that was starting to emerge more in my body, which related to things that happened when I was very young and contributes to my asthma and trembling in my hands. That evening, I still felt aching deeply within my shoulder blade behind my heart. So with what I had learnt that morning at the course, I applied it to myself. Between the help and self-help, I managed to release the long stagnation between my ribs, lungs and heart from heartbreak and asthma attack, which occurred when I was around 7/8 years old.

Silverlining

I continued on the courses, and each day, something new was released from practising new techniques on each other, as well as self-practice to balance myself out at the end of each day. By the time I got home from Ayr, where the courses were held, I was excited and exhausted at the same time. The following 2 days, my body just went into hibernation and repair mode; I slept for at least 20 hours (with light meals/bone broth or soup in between). So far, after a week and two days, my hands haven’t trembled the way they used to… I almost feel like I’ve lost a part of my identity or a part of me which shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Somehow, I’ve also noticed that with my heart and lungs being released in various ways, it’s been easier to breathe whilst having more energy/stamina. It also feels like, as it’s no longer working as hard, my appetite is not as it was, so as long as the food is nourishing and good quality, it doesn’t have to be as big as the portions I was taking in.

Over the last few years, I’ve had several emotional setbacks as well as stressors from life and work. I had skin issues around my chest and back, where I’ve had that stagnation and tension. I’ve noticed that it has also started healing and reduced significantly.

We Live to Learn

I’ll likely write another update as I find that sharing lived experiences is worthwhile in our line of work to show that even healthcare workers are not all perfect. We all learn and experience things in different ways and shed the pieces we don’t need in our own time and in different ways. One of the things I’m still learning to do is asking for help when needed, it takes time for certain things to be learnt or unlearnt… One step at a time.